Ranting....

I have a best friend. He's an asshole and a worse music snob then me. And he always rants. I should post em, since they're about music.

Email #1:
Hey did you hear about this teenage girl that kissed
her boyfriend and because he just ate peanut butter
had an allergic reaction and DIED FROM BEING KISSED?
What are you allergic to that we can send for
Takeout? Let us know it's VERY important.

My Response:
> i'm allergic to you
> but luckily, its not fatal
> i just vomit everytime i think of you
>
> P Control (Prince) is on my ipod right now

Email #2
Cool. If you're allergic to me, then EAT ME! It's a
good joke, but the incest part makes it not as
funny...
"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAH, Poosay cuntroll!! OHHH!"
Saw the new order live at the brit music hall of fame
induction last night. TERRIBLE--as I said to Moth,
banging two rocks together would have more melody than
Bernard singing....they butchered Regret and Love Will
Tear Us Apart. All infront of a lot of very important
but annoying musicians like Eric Clapton and his
clones that will look at it like it justifies them
making shitty music.
"You're face....is flat...la la la...flatface....like
I hit it with a shovel...flat....tra la la..."
(Hobbs Note: This guy LOVES New Order, {odd, that's whats on the ipod right now})

My Response:
> the pistols are finally getting inducted into the
> RnR hall of Fame
> along with Blondie, Black Sabbath, Miles davis, and,
> uh, hwack (vomit in the mouth sound) Skynyrd

Email #3:
So skynyrd get inducted for ONE SONG. Stupid. Typical
placating to the South so they THINK they mean
something in the grand scheme of things. Let's induct
Bobby McFerrin for his ONE song too, such a good one
and it has such a powerful message to everyone, just
like freebird. Until they induct Kraftwerk or ANY of
my late 80s alternative favorites that are still
influenza-ing people 20 years later, I have no respect
for them and call it all marketing for sheep. They
NEED to induct The Smiths and get over pretending they
didn't change everything before the masses caught on.
As the years go by the foolish pretending of the early
90s crowd gets more and more ridiculous for them to
defend as factual....
Sometimes I wonder if alternative metal is actually
Thurston's fault for liking Alice Cooper so
much....but then I just remind myself they all grew up
on metal instead of Thurston, and they were not
alternative but wanted to be trendy and that's how it
really happened. The only band I know that did it
right was Janes'. Got I hate the Chillipeppers....
Speaking of f*cking poseurs, has Pretty Hate Machine
been reissued or something? I see it on my newb comix
email as a new release for $11.88....So stupid we
don't have it but have all his other BS and the
downward spiral I respect but don't like on the
whole....
So F-ing what if I'm babbling! Get over it!

My Response:

well, its gotta be 25 years since their first album release, so, the 80's bands may have to wait
why hasn't the cure been inducted, is my question?????
funny rant on alternametal.
yes, hate chili's
faith no more, though, that was dandy

Email #4
The Cure don't even get nominated--to do so would mean
they were paying attention to actual music history. So
since Rolling Stone never put them on the cover even
when Disintegration was out and they were on the cover
of Spin twice that year, they don't actually exist.
Both Lovesong and Friday I'm Puking only exist if
Jessica Simpson covers them. YOU know that!
One more time: Linda Perry is MADE FROM THE DEVIL.
Just thought I'd remind you.
XOXOXOXOOXXOXOXOXOOXOXOOOXXOWalmartBabyOnCrack

My response:

yar yar. Please tell me simpson didn't cover those
> songs, and yr just using that for alliteration.
> its sad but true. at least the talking heads are in
> there
> i bet, the way there going, the cure could happen,
> just not yet
> Velvets in 96
> Talking heads a few years ago
> pretenders last year
> sex pistols, finally
> i mean
> the beatles were in 88, 2 years after it started,
> since they did some old timey crap
> rolling stones in 89
> doors in 93
> ramones and theads in 2002
> the clash (ugh) and the police, elvis c and ac/dc in
> 03
> prince in 04
> they are wicked slow
> but i think they're catching up
> hmmm...
> the better prove us wrong, and not give a metal
> award to jethro tull

Email #5
Still, Kraftwerk is a HUGE oversight--the biggest one
I can think of.
WHY do people call me when I'm only going to be here
for 10 more minutes? You'd have to be stupid to think
I'm going to pick up the phone--oh yeah, most people
that call me ARE stupid. Maybe it's just XXX
telling me the Nintendo DS was FINALLY delivered, but
most likely if anything he's calling to tell me UPS
has thier heads up all their asses. I JUST WANT TO
ORDER THINGS BY MAIL AND HAVE THEM DELIVERED. WHY IS
IT SUCH A PROBLEM FOR YOU TO DO YOUR JOB!?!??!?! I
hate UPS.
Pretenders have NO BUSINESS being in the hall of fame.
NONE. I love them, but NONE AT ALL. Typical women
pandering. Sonic Youth deserve it so much more than
she does--and it's all for Chryssie Hynde (sp? brain
fart) they could care less who else was in the band.
They have two good albums: the 1st one, and Learning
to Crawl. They have three times that of bad albums so
WHY are they in there!? Bananarama have more reason to
be in there, or the go-gos even if you want women in
rock with top ten hits--they did it more than the
pretenders ever did. I just don't understand this
country's obsession with making marketing trends into
facts. It's just so stupid.
"I almost married Sid Vicious and was there for the
first punk revulsion!"
"OH yeah Chryssie, what did you write about it then?"
"Oh some drivel about Ohio instead, but I have INDIE
CREDIBILITY!"
Vomit.
XOXOOXOXOOOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXXOIAmTheHallofFame